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Aug. 30th, 2015

Riding on my own coat tails is how I would define my life right now. A wild ride that I can't control. The roller coaster has strapped me in of its own accord.

Here is a list of things that have happened:
I admitted to my friend I want to be in a relationship with them.
They agreed.
I feel nothing different other than a satisfaction that I can rely on them to not leave.
However the doubts also show up whenever I think that.
So I think the first thing even harder.
I have thought about my goal of being baptised again.
I've been promoted at work.

The most pressing concern for me is the promotion. I understand, after two weeks of being trained, what the previous people in this position have dealt with.
I, however, will not stand for this. I do not like living with chaos. It isn't fun and I don't like it. THe goal now is to make the line I own into a self sufficient team that can answer their own questions. Especially since I do not have the answers for them. I'm just their line of communication to the other departments they need services from.
I wouldn't say I'm feeling overwhelmed. This feeling is more that I do not want to become dissatisfied with this position once I've gotten a hold of it. THe problem with me is that once I understand something I don't like to do it anymore. The mystery is gone, there is no more appeal.
I guess this is why I enjoy fic and fandom so much. It always has something new coming at me. Nothing is stagnant.
What will I be doing about this? That's the question on everyones minds. Ten million dollar question right there.
I will continue to think on it. Right now my only answer to the attempt is to read the method sheets. That'd be nice. fuck.



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